A 35 year old man describes how his life got taken over by drugs and how he clawed his way back.
By F. Abrahams
Four years ago I came to live in a Single Room Occupancy “SRO” from Northern BC to Vancouver not knowing anyone that lived there.
A few weeks went by with me being shy, but became friends with this couple that lived down the hall from me, knowing that they did drugs, and I only smoked “rock” (cocaine).
My nameless friend asked me if I wanted to try a “shot” of cocaine which was only 10 units of a syringe but I couldn’t resist because they were doing it. They really looked good when high (or was it just me being high on the rock?) but it looked so good and the high that they were on looked so fabulous and fun. I said yeah.
My nameless friend doctored me with 10 units of cocaine in a syringe. He forgot to tell me that your very first shot will make you vomit.
This is my story so this is where it all began. I used my SRO as a brothel for me selling myself, to go out boosting, to renting out my room for the night for that shot of cocaine I wanted (not needed) and just for that feeling of the highness floating on air. Just after I’d shoot up, I’d get an amazing rush. I’d be on top of the world.
One year later, I was introduced to heroin and JIB (Crystal Meth). When I was first injecting the heroin, I wasn’t that into and I didn’t need it. But eventually I used heroin every day and got used to it being in me. I was hooked on the “down” more than the cocaine I was getting.
I don’t know how to put it, but this is how it went when I was on it. I would need it to get out of bed. I didn’t care how I looked or the way I dressed anymore. I started to look sickly going from my 240lbs to 160lbs. Every time my grandma came to Vancouver she would say “gee, you’re losing so much weight!”
She knew what I was on but wouldn’t say a thing. I would ask her for money and she would give it to me and tell me to eat. But I would just go and buy more heroin to get better. I thought that after I got better I would go boosting just to get the high off of the heroin and mix the heroin with “Methamphetamine.”
Once the high really set in, my mind would get slow and fuzzy. It’d feel like I was sinking into the floor. I’d forget if I was asleep or awake, and time just passed me by. I needed heroin more than the cocaine just to get by. If I went too long without a fix, I would (“ah” can’t even describe it)… it’s like I was dying in every awful way you could think of. All at once pain in all my bones, throwing up, chills, and I couldn’t sleep for days.
One night I overdosed. I went home to my SRO after a night of drinking. I remember buying my UP (Cocaine) and DOWN (heroin) shooting up the cocaine first, then my down I woke up to my Room full of smoke because I nodded off with a smoke in my hand which fell on my bed with me on it and on other nights I’d go to a friend’s place to shoot up and barely remember shooting up my heroin. My friends told me that all I did after I injected my “down” I just fell back on the bed and woke up the next day or morning… from then on I was in need of the drug to get motivated in the morning and then just get high after that, now I’ve also added crystal meth (JIB) to my addiction which keeps me up for days.
I was scared to come home to get myself better. I was scared to face my fear. My turning point to change was the fact my friends were dropping due to the Fentanyl mixed with heroin and me and my partner were homeless.
Now I’m back healing myself. I feel way better than living on the streets dumpster diving. I wanted this for me and my partner, and here we are in my small hometown with all my great friends with powerful words of support and encouragement.
Right now, we’re in the process of getting referrals to my doctor so that we can start taking a medicine called methadone. It helps me feel normal and not need to take heroin. I don’t know how long I’ll stay on the methadone, but maybe it will help me stay clean for good.
Heroin has been hard on my body. I have scars all over my arms from picking with the rig I used to shoot up with. But I want to feel a little more interested in life these days other than been depressed and shooting up my drugs.
I got married to my partner last November 28th, 2015.